Moniker

I have many names
the first of which I am not
Designation, signature, me.
I was small and indignant
unpopular and difficult
never cute, never good
Slaughtered inside so quickly
and seamlessly garbaged in a bad place
painted with thick, stinking mud
by those who wrote it all down
and passed it on.
I wasn't interested
in your mainstream shit
and narrowed thinking
and I was always thinking
analysing.. asking myself
why did you just say that?
who told you that shit was true?
daydreaming you called it
so "mud" it was
"spam" to my friends
did it just rhyme?
or did I actually like... spam?

Additions, adjustments
advances and breaks
So many breaks...

Broken

I was thinking just now and...
Not now... shut up
concentrate
Do it this way!
So I did it that way
tired and drained
look at this, do that
lovely
you fit right in
a long time looking
for a group
a different group
but still like sheep
They were weirdos
who thought
I was weird.

Puss.. Pusska
sleeping like a cat
stretching, yawning
bored, unstimulated
ego-centric, swollen
turn inwards and smile without
Gathering waifs and strays
who could see
and then want.

I am Electric
a current
a flow
always interrupted
Tough to crack
an inspiring challenge
easy to show me your back
when I'm empty
but I was never empty
I didn't show you what I am
Just what I should be
and then you didn't understand
again
and again
never understanding
difficult got weird
Oh fuck...run
run because you can't quite put your finger on it?

I remember a day when I changed again
Frightening myself stupid on something big
something that kept turning me upside down
until the change fell from my pockets
pockets that I didnt even like
I pledged to swap them when I got home
When my heel snapped my mind was made up
Soz

I meet you over and over
the same person again and again
A handful are tolerant
I could see it in their eyes
I smoked so I could concentrate
then I drank to escape my own head
The back of that bike
always gave me something to hold
made me feel alive
no fear of death
Just a ride that would put the wind in my hair
and freeze my skin

We don't know what to do with her
She is bright but she doesn't try
I'm bored
She seems to have her own agenda
I have
We are at a loss
If you ever take the time....
I'm in here
I would quite like to meet someone new.

~ Charlotte Sometimes (SRWB) aka Leccie 2008/2009