Double Knit

I have a vision
Of boarding house madness
and feline, prowling company
Of wiry roots in silver hair
that blends to nicotine beige in lengths
Of greasepaint smeared in theatrical rage
on leathered skin and pinched, sunken face
Of flouncing nylon, in layers of unneccessary kitsch
built up from corsets, bandages, bits of silk
and hand knitted sleeves keeping chill from old bones
Of nourishing cats with prime cut beef
while they rip, scratch and tear
at old furniture gathered from years of stories.
Garish colours sit in a twilight life
as a walk to the shop fulfills all that is left
Licking furious, pink stained lips
as the knitting needles start their train track
click clack, click clack
dont think... dont stop
click clack... train track
more sleeves to adorn the layers of years
to keep out the cold and old, bitter pain
They're comfortable though
Made with determination and love
To see out these days...
These empty, trivial days
in numb and cat piss- polyester dreams
and high tension...
...double knit




...and in prelude to this
memories of love gained and lost
of heart given and fulfilled
with every need and want
and then snatched away in seconds
of doubt, pain, confusion and panic
And if love was felt in such purity
for the first and only time
I dare not find it again
So this is why I have my vision
of cat-piss life
My heart clad in blackest coal
and coldest steel
If what I feel now is love and care
then the pain I feel equals
what was given and taken away
I don't want it back... ever again
I will live in beige nondescript
and grey-mist of mundane
I could love again
I could give my warm heart
repeatedly... until the nails
and band aids and cat-gut stitches
can no longer hold the wounds of years
The gaping holes are left
where someone's truthful
heart should have been
The path that sprawls and meanders
...through a pain-filled ventricular abyss
into which I fall... again and again
and in time I will grow hardened
to the rocks of life and slipping sand
But to walk those rocks
and let go of these hopeful grains
I cannot give an inch
Dare not!
Nor smile in any direction
Lest those bonds that wrap my fragile heart
be broken again
and exposed.


~ Copyright Charlotte Sometimes (SRWB) 2008