Wednesday 16 December 2009

Sleep

Lavender, milk and honey
glazed looks and knock-out vapours
A pill that churns in my stomach
making me restless
and sick
and all I can do is think
think of getting it out
HERE
misery place
self indulgent little space
A bunch of pixels
made pretty sometimes
with errors
and obscene code
- Code names
Consciousness plagues me
I need to lose it
Coma


My mind starts in a store
queuing, endless fucking queues
then it all goes really wrong
Hysterically confident (and tired)
I end up in hospitals
at funerals
at embarrassing weddings
and silent baptisms
parties with strangers
where the nearest hole in the wall
is a welcome escape
I spend hours trying to crawl through it
I sit in a gutter with vodka
eating ice cream with long (deliberately) lost friends
I remember the most obscure incidents
that meant so much to me
and nothing to you
Why didn't we do something?
Actually, we should have done nothing
It all seems a little futile
but it's taken me hours of thinking
to figure that out

The train stops (crashes?)
I have gone too far
My station 5 miles back
sleeping
Silent tears fall
sideways from one eye to the other
soaking memories and what-ifs
marinating them in nothing
but wasted time
I am empty enough to sleep
but angry and sad enough not to
I have forgiven so much
but it still keeps me awake
The knowledge that if I had just said
"Fuck you"
I would be asleep right now
and not riding this track
of the never-ending

eternal

persistant

incessant

NEED

to tell you

exactly what I think!


~ Charlotte Sometimes (SRWB) 2009



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