Sunday 28 March 2010

Stuff To Do

I wrote most of it at 3am
in my head
Chapters of perfect prose and
stories no one has ever told
It's brilliant
and it disturbs my life again
forgotten genius

I'm an ordinary girl in a lot of ways
I do routine things, rinse, repeat
It's not nondescript
no
Ever
loving
ME
It's a wild ride
But never crazy enough any more

I look at here and there
and compare
I can't get deep enough
the screen is too flat
and I feel the need to go dig out
my old one
so I can reach in
and push it all back
stay
MEAN something

Translate what it says in my mind
Not what it tells them in black and white
The understanding that comes in the night
That's it, that's me
You'll see
I can't do that... be me
It never comes out that way
Fighting with what I have to do
and what I have to be

My mind's scrappin' with school nights
and hum drum days
What's for tea?
I watched a programme on telly
about Tourettes
It's not good, I'm thinking
They're just saying what they're thinking
If I did that I'd have Tourettes
People already flinch and wait at parties
When I've had a few
What is she going to say?
She always tells truth that one
and it's never for the best

I can pick you all out
and tell you who you are
but there is nothing much
to grab hold of is there?
You wouldn't understand
with a vacant look
and make-up that's been on
since 5 am
Bronzer, now there's a thing
If I put my shades on I'll see you
Bring you into focus
behind that *glow*
If I'm not smiling
it's because I rushed out
without picking my shades up
off the table

Brain to mouth filter is on the blink
mostly
But you can't do that when you're ordinary
It doesn't rest easy on the bland surface
of making buns for school fairs
and smiling like you know what you're doing
and you haven't got your Pyjamas on under your coat
not really
I just like polka dot pants
honest


Honest
now there's a word
and it's been ages since I rambled on
trying to break that block
the one that only disappears
when the lights are off
and I'm lying on my back
wondering why the hell
someone artexed the ceiling
I can see it in the black
cos I know it's there
I hate it
I'd buy a Dictaphone
and shock the world
but then I'd wake everyone up
and there is stuff to do tomorrow



at 7am...







** and a bit more...

'cos I remember a conversation
someone reminded me last night
it was all spoken in Yorkshire (like)
Of some lad reading my mind
"I could fall in luv wi ya"
easy done Lad, I said
You'll be rayt soon enough
"Tha's not an ordinary lass"
Yeah burrit's difficult innit
cos life's a journey wi' fightin'
Fightin' wi' both sides
an' never bein who ya truly are
Gettin' sick of askin' 'ow much 'ams
left in't fridge
So you walk miles as just to keep checkin'
** shit, I can speak Yorkie but I can't bloody type it, it's exhausting**
My life is a trip of incongruence
and that's the problem
right there
A running commentary on every move
Like a derby where the nags are shagged out
and you're forever waiting
for the man in the box
to shut the fuck up
PLEASE
'cos I can't think what I want to think
The extra-ordinary stuff
while Im listening to you
and washing dishes

It's only 9am...



Copyright Charlotte Sometimes aka SRWB 2010


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