The answer - in glorious, manic Technicolor now resides in her head. Sold, bargained, pleaded; possessions for green rain. He sold her car.
A white dress; why did he put her in that? A fucking kaftan? A mounded concept of what he needed, still pleaded. And the seasoning always made a meeting more appealing. What will she bring?
Fake friends; wise? They think so with a passing comment and a cat call. A nickname, a character, a jape and a phony.
A lock comes away in her hands; rotten? It just slid right out with the key still attached and unable to turn. Oh! It does that all the time, apparently.
Right. Just fix it back on; to the scalp of ghosts. The ghosts of a past lived by someone who really doesn't want to leave them behind. Neurosurgery on dark street corners. I ask you?!
He is exactly who she thought he might be before he tried to change her view. I guess that is why he was so quiet - Being someone else all that time? It’s not easy to speak in another’s name and not give yourself away.
That first message that made her panic and think 'Oh Goddess, not again, pleeeease!'
She got over him while he was still trying to make up his mind; whilst she slept; whilst he smoked and indulged his self-obsession and unworthiness.
He wants to be alone and to that end, she knows she is not the right person for him; nor is he worthy of her love.
She wishes that he would see deeper than he does. She wishes that he could see the person that she sees through clarified eyes. She doesn’t think he ever will; perpetuating the need for actions that alienate him from an enlightened world.
He says enlightenment is not being attached to anything; she says it is a letting go and experiencing what they have right now.
He uses it to alienate; she uses it to battle the cynicism of past years.
He knew she existed and she knows he exists.
She’ll find him again; but he will be entirely different on the eye.
She walks away, a piece of her heart wrapped firmly around that misinformed lock, knowing that should he ever choose to find out who she really is – she will be waiting.
SRWB 2010
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